I want to go back to a concept that I wrote about earlier. For those of us who are waging war with emotional overeating or other addiction, it’s usually because we’ve spent a lifetime living from our human-ness rather than our being-ness. Why is that?
As I mentioned, it’s very easy to teach a child not to trust their feelings, to trust that what they’re feeling is real and true. Children hear from their parents, their teachers, even their peers that they’re not good enough, or not as pretty as the other little girl, not as smart as your brother. We’re taught that the feelings and fears we’re having, whether they’re coming from a specific source or not, is false and not real. So as adults, we naturally won’t trust that what we’re feeling is real and in need. Our inner voice pops up and repeats all those hurtful things we heard as a child. We trust what other people say and we seek validation from them. We learn to please She, He, It, Them. I know when I’m tethered to She, He, It and Them, then they have all the power. And they have the power to make me feel good about myself--and feel bad about myself. And when I give them the power, I turn to stuffing myself with three pizzas and 6-8 candy bars.
When I work with people, I ask them: “Do you do what feels wrong and looks right or what looks right and feels wrong?” As children, we’re reinforced to do what looks right and feels wrong. Play the part everyone else wants you to play. But deep inside you know it just doesn’t feel right.
When those feelings arise ask yourself, should I go with what looks right and feels wrong? Or should I live from that gut feeling where my power emanates—from my being-ness. It may look right but you know inside it feels wrong. And you know sure as the sun shines that society will tell you, “go with what looks right.”
But what about when it “looks wrong and feels right?” “Do I trust my feelings or what others say?” I say trust what your heart and soul says. Stop the chatter and re-connect to your being-ness. Ask yourself who’s having this conversation here? Who has to live with the decisions I make?
Intense training negates instinct and because of the intense training we received as children, we negate our inner, true feelings. Learning to live from our being-ness requires re-training.
So rather than turning to the food, take the risk and go inside and feel what you’re feeling. And know that if you feel one little uncomfortable feeling and you don’t die, you can experience another painful feeling and know that you’re not going to die. Starting with baby steps you can begin to build a healthy foundation from which to live.
The battle is won or lost in our minds, not on the plate. Lose the mental weight to lose the physical weight. Go with what feels right.
Next week: Flipping Your Thoughts
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